everyone should have a night like the one i had when i met mike...

it was just this amazing rush.

i went to this party in eureka with my friends. i didn't know anyone but the people i was with, but for some reason, i was feeling wild. there was just something in the air and there were boys all over and i knew i could have any of them that i might decide i wanted. it was heady.

i picked out mike--he was a skater--he had this lanky dark hair and blue eyes and these huge lips that were just begging me to bite them. we left the party and went to arcata and to marino's. (they let him in with me--i had no idea he was only 18 at the time! i think i was about 24 or so...) at the bar, it was the same as the party--for some reason, the men were everywhere, buying me drinks and flirting with me and telling mike that he must be a very lucky boy.

i think all the attention must have increased my confidence and made me even less fearless in bed that night.

it was incredible.

i've always tended to like the first time the best. there's just something so hot about not knowing what's going to happen, what it is going to be like, how the new lover will react to what i do, what kind of reactions they might elicit from me.

mike was just so fucking hot. his body was tight--nothing flabby, nothing he didn't need and know how to use well. everything i got, i deserved, i earned. we fucked all over my bedroom--my bed was on the floor at the time and we rolled over it and off, we were standing, sitting, in repose. collapse in exhaustion, nap, shower, start again...

we were very good together.

when i took him back to eureka the next day, i really didn't think i would see him again--it just seemed highly improbable--but we continued to have some of the best sex of my life, off and on for well over a year...we would sometimes talk after sex, but it didn't really seem to be necessary. he would just call and come over--or i would go out to his dad's place and we would have sex in this rickety trailor that would actually rock side to side with our lovemaking. i knew that he was using a lot of drugs and that i would never really even WANT a serious relationship with him, but i still felt drawn to him. i remember when i told him that i didn't think i should see him anymore, that i had started to see ken, of all people, and wanted to see what would happen with it. mike actually cried a little, and so did i.

i saw him again, a couple of years later, when paul and i first started to see each other. it was still so new with paul and he seemed a little insecure and jealous of other boys, so i really didn't stop to talk to mike--just said hi and kept going, more or less. i wish that i could have told him how much he really did mean to me and how happy i always was to see him, how much pleasure i took from his company and how it really WAS more than just sex to me, even though that was always the most basic thing between us.

this is some poetry i wrote about mike in college. it's not a very good pantoum, but i couldn't find the one i really wanted--the one about the trailor.

i always know it's you--you wake me up.

whether i'm sleeping or doing the dishes.

everyone else around knows it, too--

i'm like a dog in heat.

 

whether i'm sleeping or doing the dishes

you just call for me and

i'm like a dog in heat--

i forget you're a junkie and i'm a nice girl.

 

you just call for me and

i see you and we have sex--

i forget you're a junkie and i'm a nice girl

the sex is incredible, not your average, garden variety

 

i see you and we have sex

everyone else around knows it, too--

the sex is incredible, not your average garden variety.

i always know it's you--you wake me up.

9/93

bachelor #4 likes boys

bachelor #6 is an idiot

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