i once fell madly in love with a boy named jerome.
this is not going to be a story about jerome, so don't get excited. i'll just tell you enough to get the flavor of how i ended up with someone like ken.
jerome and i used to play cards together several nights a week. he would come and visit me at the gallery where i volunteered--he was artistic, clever and very pretty. he also had a cute little south african accent. eventually, i did the falling in love about which i spoke earlier. one night, after a beautiful day at the beach and night playing cards, i took jerome home and, in my inimitable way said the following:
"so....are we ever going to have sex or anything?"
and then i ran away.
and this made things rather awkward between us.
anyway, having just driven away this boy with whom i thought i shared a sacred bond, i went down to the bar and drank 11 shots of tequilla and ended up going home with ken, a goofy guy who worked at a local record shop.
when i say goofy, i mean goofy. whereas jerome was tall, handsome and dashing, ken was short, had a mustache (ugh) and was a really bad dresser, favoring bolo ties. but he had this smile and this way about him and i had had 11 shots of tequilla, so i followed him home to his shack where we more or less had sex on his front lawn, then in his kitchen and finally in his bed. he also snored.
he walked me home the next morning and taught me how to play cribbage that night and we hung out together for about six months. he used to talk to his ex-ish girlfriend in texas on the phone in the mornings, when i was in bed with him, at least once while he got me off. he cheated on me with his ex girlfried, then, when we broke up he cheated on his new girlfriend with me.
i have no idea exactly what got ken laid so consistently and so well, as he was a pathetic sort, but i spent about 6 months with him, all told.
bachelor #5 likes makin' bacon on the beach
bachelor #7 broke my heart